REVIEW: HOLLOW LEG - ABYSMAL

Sometimes I forget I’m considered a music critic, because I’m really just a fan boy lucky enough to occasionally be paid for my opinions. But critics LOVE when an album/movie/book title can be used as a simple headline; let’s say, for example, the Seymour Hoffman/DeNiro film Flawless (Not quite Flawless, LOLOLOLOL!). Here we have an album named Abysmal, from Hollow Leg, a band from northern Florida that has an “affinity for the roots of American blues music and English metal,” so says their promo material. ‘Abysmal’ just happens to be one of those beautiful words that can be used to both praise and reprimand a piece of art; abysmal most often refers to something of poor quality, but can also describe something that is limitless and deeply profound. Boasting powerful performances from each musician, and offering eight tracks of zero-horseshit, Sabbath-informed sludge (is there any other kind?), Abysmal is built on a solid blues rock foundation with hardcore intensity and addresses themes that may not reach profundity, but are absolutely universal.

I first need to mention that in the second song, “8 Dead (in a Mobile Home),” I heard Scott Angelacos’ howl and immediately thought, “Oh shit, how did it take me a full song to realize this is the Junior Bruce vocalist?” He has one of those instantly recognizable voices that can’t be unheard. I say this more as a warning for non-metalheads: You will be haunted by the voice of Angelacos, which is strong enough to tattoo pentagrams in your ear canal. For metal fans: Rejoice, because his delivery is singularly awesome.

Most of the album feels like Iron Monkey accidentally stumbled into slightly gentler melodies. “Ride to Ruin” introduces a fuzzy higher-register lead to join Tom Crowther’s burly bass tones, and will be my motorcycle soundtrack when I’m eventually an outlaw biker with an eight-foot long beard. Brent Lynch provides some memorable riffs here, with “Blissful Nothing” syphoning Eyehategod’s groove and capturing the slow-motion sense of a day passing sluggishly on hashish, and “Cry Havoc” trapping the listener in an alligator death-roll as drummer Tim Creter goes in for the kill after some Big Black-era Orange Goblin goodness.

While the mixing on both “The Dog” and “Lord Annihilation” feels a little flat, lacking contrast and punch despite some great hooks and well-built tension, Abysmal is an album that’s the middle sprinter in a relay race, taking the baton from the UK’s best doom bands and handing it off to the crusty, lice-scalped troublemakers of the sludge scene. Though the song structures are closely related to 90s hardcore, this album will lead riff-worshipping fanatics of the slow and heavy into the exceptionally loud, wolf-infested abyss. And that, right there, is as close to a title-related catchphrase as I get.

Check out Abysmal over on bandcamp and get yourself the album on vinyl, or by instant download:  http://hollowleg666.bandcamp.com/

And check out Hollow Leg over on Facebook, and maybe some day they will answer what they would hide in a prosthetic limb:  https://www.facebook.com/hollowlegfl

REVIEW: SPRIGHTLY MOANS - DEMOS II

So, a sprightly moan sounds pretty sensual to me. “Moan” is one of those words that I immediately attribute to a sexual act, even though most of its supposed synonyms refer to vocal exclamations of pain or sadness. That might reveal excessive information regarding my coital preferences.

Sprightly Moans are a rock duo based in Austin, TX, where the motto “Keep Austin Weird” adorns countless T-shirts and the bustling music scene encourages experimentation. Sprightly Moans keep their sound based in the harder realms of garage rock, with Jeff Olson’s drums invoking the frantic percussive work of vintage James Gang or Bill Ward’s work with Black Sabbath. Carving out their own grungy, modern take on psychedelic hard rock, they explore the wilderness between chaotic power and gentle melody, falling somewhere between bands like The Golden Grass and Gozu. Sprightly Moans play music for beer drinking, high-fiving, and billiard disputes, capturing the raucous spirit of a bar at last call, with rhythms that roll with tumbleweed abandon and riffs that can punch holes through sheet metal. On Demos II, their sold-out limited edition follow up to the predictably titled Demos I, the duo share three tracks of amplified rebellion.

“Brinkmanship” kicks off the jam and bangs heads with heavy blues and Dave Wirth’s high-register slide guitar. The thundering drums provide a deliberate, swaggering tempo that feels like the epitome of cool-handed confidence. Although it’s a noisy, jagged musical arrangement, the song sports a smooth vocal hook, although the vocal volume does seem a bit high in the mix during the verses. “Twin Kilns” rocks loudly, with vocals that sway in a jet-stream breeze over the pulsing guitars and drums, reminding me of Canned Heat covering Mudhoney. The song has a tasty crunch to it, and seems in danger of derailing at any moment, providing a sense of danger before Olson and Wirth takes the reins back. I love music that teeters on the cliff ledge and regains composure, and this song dances on that precipice like it could perch their happily for years. “Dots and Dashes” rollicks with Pearl Jam’s Ten intensity, if their songs were crusted with bong resin and desert dust. It’s the best performance of the album and makes me eager to hear more from these trouble-makers.

Three songs may feel like an appetizer here, but I’m confident they’ll lead to an upcoming entree that should have fans of classic rock, heavy blues, and Slint-flavored noise to salivate. Give Demos II a listen over here, and enjoy Sprightly Moans bringing the volume and the groove:  http://www.sprightlymoans.com/music/

And join their Facebook family over at:  https://www.facebook.com/sprightlymoans

REVIEW: BLACK SABBATH - 13

So it took me almost 3 weeks to listen to Black Sabbath’s new album, and I’m ashamed. I decided to head into listening to this album a few ticks before midnight, fittingly unsober, and live-Tweet my experience. Below are my streaming thoughts.

1. Here we go. "End of the Beginning." Sounds like the title track on Black Sabbath's self-titled. Just needs bell tolls.
2. Ozzy should have asked himself all of these questions when he was making that dirty MTV money.
3. Nice groovy riff reminds me of "Under the Sun." Entombed did a pretty crunchy cover of that I 1st heard as a "Same Difference" bonus track.
4. Iommi can play that solo over and over while I do any shitty chore and make it look awesome. Heavy metal dish washing, here I come.
5. Go get those higher register notes, Oz. Atta boy. Reminds me of when Tom Petty hit those "Freefallin" notes at the Super Bowl.

6. "God Is Dead?" Only song I've already heard already, but this time it's about 400 times louder and I'm considerably less sober.
7. This is really heavy, folks. And this vocal pattern is ultra catchy, even if Ozzy's voice has been fixed by robots.
8. I like the idea of God and Satan on his shoulders. Those angels are like God's interns, no power. Go straight to the top.
9. Forgot about this riff in the 6th minute. Makes me want to set myself on fire and ride a motorcycle to Hell's drive-in theater.
10. Pretty sure there are too many voices in Ozzy's head for him to hear what one specifically is saying.

11. "Loner" sounds like "Sweet Leaf" a little, huh? Like if they milked it of its swagger and made the guitars sound like RATM.
12. Speaking of Rage, Brad Wilk was a great choice for this album in theory, but so far it's been really uptight.
13. My top choices for drummers on this album: 1)Joe LaCazze/Eyehategod. 2)Kyle Spence/Harvey Milk. 3) Brad Wilk. And, oh yeah, Bill Ward.

14. "Zeitgeist." So far sounds like if Rick Rubin was ruining a Pink Floyd song.
15. This song would be so much better if Brooklyn band NAAM recorded it.

16. "Age Of Reason." Did someone tell Wilk to sever all of the personality out of his drumming? That dude's good, what's going on here?
17. Can hear a little of Edgar Winters' heavier stuff in this song. Makes me wish I was listening to "Frankenstein."
18. Half-way through the third minute this gets interesting. Flashes of hardcore, at least it's an influence past 1974.

19. "Live Forever." Depending on how you pronounce "live" it could also mean and endless concert.
20. Vocals wayyyyy high in the mix. Too bad because this heavy bluesy momentum is formidable.
21. When Ozzy says "Waiting for the rising of the moon" it made me picture him as a werewolf with round purple sunglasses.
22. The doomy part of this song makes me think of "I Want You "She's So Heavy" from The Beatles. Way underrated heavy riff.

23. "Damaged Soul." You should always buy shipping insurance before mailing a fragile soul. Common sense, Geezer.
24. Sounds like an "End of the Beginning" remix meant as a soundtrack for tongue kissing in a dark smoky room.
25. Most of these songs aren't bad, but Iommi is the only performer who sounds immortal on these record.
26. 6+ minutes in, and the harmonica finally makes sense. I wanna wear fabric torn from a priest's robe as a bandana and rock out.

27. "Dear Father." Lyrics sound serious, was hoping it was a letter penned in college asking daddy for drug money.
28. Sounds like Geezer is doing some cool stuff in that mix, but Rubin hid the bass. SEEN AND NOT HEARD, BASS LINE.
29. 4 minutes in the song grows balls, and then the vocals are so loud that they shrivel immediately.
30. FINALLY, WILK SHOWS UP. These are the sort of loose, flashy, mostly unnecessary fills that made Sabbath a real rock band. Nice ending.

31. “Methademic.” The intensity vanished for a little bit now, and this music would fit on Ghost's debut album, before they adopted BC.
32. Not among Iommi's best solos on this album. Sort of sounds tired, like maybe blood sugar is low and he needs some yogurt or a banana.
33. Song was crazy uneven, but a few of these moments are the hardest Sabbath has rocked on this album.

34. "Peace of Mind." I'll take "obvious wordplay" for $100. And "uninspiring riffs" for $200.
35. Another good Wilk performance at least, even though musically they sound more like Mr. Big than Black Sabbath right now.
36. They need to either Jethro Tull it up with a flute or Focus it up with rock'n'roll yodeling. Oh wait, Focus had flute too. FOCUS IT UP.

37. "Pariah." How dare Ozzy ever utter the words "addicted to sobriety," even if it's about someone else.
38. These riffs would have fit in with Kansas before they tried turning into shitty arena rock and changed their name to Black Kansas.
39. Clean guitar is only there to make the distortion sound heavier. It's like Bud Abbott to Lou Costello.
40. Rhyming "pariah" with "desire" deserves a high five and a hug.
41. ALBUM OVER. Inconsistent, but I had a good time. 6/10, would have a 7 if Rubin kept his beard out of everything.
42. Also, I like the album cover just for reminding me of the Nicolas Cage/Neil LaBute "Wicker Man" shitshow of a remake. #BlackSabbath

So 6/10 isn’t bad, right? As expected, moments of inspired rock’n’roll and some of their heaviest riffs to date, but revisiting their best work (either unintentionally or on the sly) and the frustrating production from Rick Rubin knocked off a few points. I’m not too upset by the whole enterprise, and I’m not even mourning how I spent a Friday night. Adequate job, guys. Adequate job.

REVIEW: OXXEN - S/T EP

Oxxen, a Tennessean doom/sludge trio, sounds like the Chattanooga Choo Choo has derailed at the stroke of midnight and plowed through forests filled with man-eating black bears and haunted oak trees, leaving behind a wreckage of splintered wooden limbs, bones, and fur. While the band’s name reminds me of ill-fated computer expeditions along the Oregon Trail (I always had at least two oxen drown when I chose to ford a river), the music evokes everything from the hardest-partying stoner rock to the murkiest grunge in Seattle’s days of pre-exploitation.

Their self-titled EP kicks off with “This Shit Ain’t Exactly Thunderdome.” This shit is, however, heavy enough to give Tony Iommi a boner from a continent away. When the distortion hits it can collapse weak hearts, and there’s a punk energy in this music that spits blood and teeth into the crowd. When the songs reach mid-to-uptempo they feel like they’d be right at home playing with Black Tusk, Red Fang, or Orange Goblin. (Editor’s note: Just checked the band’s gig history and it looks like they have played, or will play, with Black Tusk. Solid.)

“Stoic Men Under Ancient Lord” swaggers with reckless grunge intensity, taking the heaviest moments of Nirvana’s Bleach and the Melvins’ Houdini and dressing them up with armor and a battle axe. It features Bill Robinson's best lead guitar work on the album, whose voice sounds how I’d imagine Kurt Cobain would sound if he was still alive. The same hoarse shout, tone deepened from years of drinking cocaine and snorting whiskey, only occasionally concerned with weak shit like pitch and melody.

Oxxen close with the album’s highlight, the 10+ minute “Riddle of Steel.” This song revs its engines as loudly as the best biker metal out there before slowing to a Cathedral crawl until the seventh minute, where they return to the punk riffing and gruff aggression that propelled the EP’s opener. Oxxen’s roots may reach into traditional doom and the spirit of Sabbath and Pentagram, but there is a fist-pumping, binge-drinking sense of immediacy and toughness to this release that gives me the hunch these dudes are a totally killer live band. Just because you can flatten a forest with your slowest riffs doesn’t mean you can’t chop the keg open with an axe and party sometimes.

This EP is currently FREE on Bandcamp, so check it out and throw them some bones if you enjoy it as much as I do:  http://oxxen.bandcamp.com/album/oxxen

And follow them on Facebook for future news on gigs and merch:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Oxxen

REVIEW: CHRISTOPHER LEE - CHARLEMAGNE: THE OMENS OF DEATH

I’ve never been star-struck while listening to an MP3. That changed while experiencing Charlemagne: The Omens of Death, the new concept album featuring legendary actor Sir Christopher Lee (Dracula, Lord of the Rings, everything good and amazing in the world of genre film) on vocals. Playing the first Holy Royal Emperor, Lee commands the entire 50+ minutes with a charismatic voice that decapitates any expectations of age-related frailty. This sequel to Charlemagne: By the Sword and the Cross was released last month (May 27th, 2013) to commemorate his 91st birthday. I’ve never been to a 91st birthday party, but if they were heavy metal record releases I would make a (potentially creepy?) habit of it.

The listening experience is similar to a heavy metal teleplay or extreme audio book, with a cast of vocalists and performers playing historical figures while classic power metal and symphonic metal accompanies the proceedings. It contains all the high drama and bloodshed of Shakespeare’s royal tragedies, but has the muscular backbone of Iron Maiden-inspired riffs and steady rock drumming. From the Guns N’ Roses-esque ballad “Dawning of a New Age” (featuring great supporting vocals from Lydia Salnikova) to the fittingly eerie supporting dirge of “The Betrayal,” this is an album of grand scope and considerable vision.

The haunting, existential conclusion of “Judgement Day” ends the story on a formidable note, raging with some of the most aggressive hooks on the album. Hedras Ramos Jr. is a dynamic guitar prodigy, displaying the ability to shred with ferocity and lift songs into the red sunset with dazzlingly emotive solos. While his father, Hedra Ramos Sr., provides solid rhythm support with drummer Ollie Usiskin, Junior is the real star here. I’ve looked into my glowing crystal ball and he’s a musician whose career will be well worth tracking.

Not every creative stroke works (the celebratory “Charlemagne!” choral blasts are never less than jarring, and at worst feel silly), but this is still a project that dwarfs every lame re-enactment scene on the History Channel with its dedication to narrative structure, a grave tone, and the majesty of classic metal. It’s also a deeply inspiring album to me, considering before Charlemagne: The Omens of Death was recorded Sir Christopher Lee hadn’t yet heard Black Sabbath’s pioneering doom. It just proves that heavy metal is there to be discovered at any age, and if I can be one tenth as open-minded and welcoming to new experiences as Lee, well then I will be one bad ass head-banging 91 year old.

Charlemagne: The Omens of Death is now available of iTunes, and you can find more information here:  http://charlemagneproductions.org/