REVIEW: BLACK SABBATH - 13

So it took me almost 3 weeks to listen to Black Sabbath’s new album, and I’m ashamed. I decided to head into listening to this album a few ticks before midnight, fittingly unsober, and live-Tweet my experience. Below are my streaming thoughts.

1. Here we go. "End of the Beginning." Sounds like the title track on Black Sabbath's self-titled. Just needs bell tolls.
2. Ozzy should have asked himself all of these questions when he was making that dirty MTV money.
3. Nice groovy riff reminds me of "Under the Sun." Entombed did a pretty crunchy cover of that I 1st heard as a "Same Difference" bonus track.
4. Iommi can play that solo over and over while I do any shitty chore and make it look awesome. Heavy metal dish washing, here I come.
5. Go get those higher register notes, Oz. Atta boy. Reminds me of when Tom Petty hit those "Freefallin" notes at the Super Bowl.

6. "God Is Dead?" Only song I've already heard already, but this time it's about 400 times louder and I'm considerably less sober.
7. This is really heavy, folks. And this vocal pattern is ultra catchy, even if Ozzy's voice has been fixed by robots.
8. I like the idea of God and Satan on his shoulders. Those angels are like God's interns, no power. Go straight to the top.
9. Forgot about this riff in the 6th minute. Makes me want to set myself on fire and ride a motorcycle to Hell's drive-in theater.
10. Pretty sure there are too many voices in Ozzy's head for him to hear what one specifically is saying.

11. "Loner" sounds like "Sweet Leaf" a little, huh? Like if they milked it of its swagger and made the guitars sound like RATM.
12. Speaking of Rage, Brad Wilk was a great choice for this album in theory, but so far it's been really uptight.
13. My top choices for drummers on this album: 1)Joe LaCazze/Eyehategod. 2)Kyle Spence/Harvey Milk. 3) Brad Wilk. And, oh yeah, Bill Ward.

14. "Zeitgeist." So far sounds like if Rick Rubin was ruining a Pink Floyd song.
15. This song would be so much better if Brooklyn band NAAM recorded it.

16. "Age Of Reason." Did someone tell Wilk to sever all of the personality out of his drumming? That dude's good, what's going on here?
17. Can hear a little of Edgar Winters' heavier stuff in this song. Makes me wish I was listening to "Frankenstein."
18. Half-way through the third minute this gets interesting. Flashes of hardcore, at least it's an influence past 1974.

19. "Live Forever." Depending on how you pronounce "live" it could also mean and endless concert.
20. Vocals wayyyyy high in the mix. Too bad because this heavy bluesy momentum is formidable.
21. When Ozzy says "Waiting for the rising of the moon" it made me picture him as a werewolf with round purple sunglasses.
22. The doomy part of this song makes me think of "I Want You "She's So Heavy" from The Beatles. Way underrated heavy riff.

23. "Damaged Soul." You should always buy shipping insurance before mailing a fragile soul. Common sense, Geezer.
24. Sounds like an "End of the Beginning" remix meant as a soundtrack for tongue kissing in a dark smoky room.
25. Most of these songs aren't bad, but Iommi is the only performer who sounds immortal on these record.
26. 6+ minutes in, and the harmonica finally makes sense. I wanna wear fabric torn from a priest's robe as a bandana and rock out.

27. "Dear Father." Lyrics sound serious, was hoping it was a letter penned in college asking daddy for drug money.
28. Sounds like Geezer is doing some cool stuff in that mix, but Rubin hid the bass. SEEN AND NOT HEARD, BASS LINE.
29. 4 minutes in the song grows balls, and then the vocals are so loud that they shrivel immediately.
30. FINALLY, WILK SHOWS UP. These are the sort of loose, flashy, mostly unnecessary fills that made Sabbath a real rock band. Nice ending.

31. “Methademic.” The intensity vanished for a little bit now, and this music would fit on Ghost's debut album, before they adopted BC.
32. Not among Iommi's best solos on this album. Sort of sounds tired, like maybe blood sugar is low and he needs some yogurt or a banana.
33. Song was crazy uneven, but a few of these moments are the hardest Sabbath has rocked on this album.

34. "Peace of Mind." I'll take "obvious wordplay" for $100. And "uninspiring riffs" for $200.
35. Another good Wilk performance at least, even though musically they sound more like Mr. Big than Black Sabbath right now.
36. They need to either Jethro Tull it up with a flute or Focus it up with rock'n'roll yodeling. Oh wait, Focus had flute too. FOCUS IT UP.

37. "Pariah." How dare Ozzy ever utter the words "addicted to sobriety," even if it's about someone else.
38. These riffs would have fit in with Kansas before they tried turning into shitty arena rock and changed their name to Black Kansas.
39. Clean guitar is only there to make the distortion sound heavier. It's like Bud Abbott to Lou Costello.
40. Rhyming "pariah" with "desire" deserves a high five and a hug.
41. ALBUM OVER. Inconsistent, but I had a good time. 6/10, would have a 7 if Rubin kept his beard out of everything.
42. Also, I like the album cover just for reminding me of the Nicolas Cage/Neil LaBute "Wicker Man" shitshow of a remake. #BlackSabbath

So 6/10 isn’t bad, right? As expected, moments of inspired rock’n’roll and some of their heaviest riffs to date, but revisiting their best work (either unintentionally or on the sly) and the frustrating production from Rick Rubin knocked off a few points. I’m not too upset by the whole enterprise, and I’m not even mourning how I spent a Friday night. Adequate job, guys. Adequate job.

REVIEW: HUMMUNE - CRAFTED IN DARKNESS

According to their Facebook page, the band name refers to an immunity to humans, which sounds like the best immunity ever, since humans are just about the most destructive and dangerous force the Earth has ever known. This band’s brand of pummeling, hardcore noise is a very close second.

Hummune was seemingly constructed in 2009 by sinister robots in some Southampton, UK factory with the intention of beating human brains to a gelatinous pulp. I haven’t been able to locate surnames for the three lethal members of this band, furthering my suspicion that they are not human at all, but Terminator-style machines that just happen to have been programmed to rock hard enough to splinter teeth. Crafted in Darkness, their full-length debut, pulses with Unsane’s jarring energy and drags hardcore through sludge like the best work on Fudge Tunnel’s Hate Songs in E Minor. Guitarist/vocalist Stu and bassist/vocalist Mike have rasps that finds the broken glass-covered middle ground between Justin Broadrick’s growliest moments in Godflesh and Lars Göran Petrov’s work in Entombed, just drenched with reverb. The rhythm section (Rik on drums, Mike mentioned previously) is phenomenal, digging deep trenches for mosh pit victims while the guitar soars and stabs. These guys have the tools and skill to do some serious damage.

Then you listen to “Moth” and “Into Dust” to open the album and realize you’re in for even more harm than you anticipated. These songs hit hard but still contain a ton of texture, from splashes of shoegaze to the whispered vocal delivery on “Claw.” Some of the gentler moments remind me of early Deftones and work beautifully to enhance the foreboding mood before the distortion levels every building in a kilometer radius. Not every song hits with the same efficient fury (“Inside” features a jarring rhythm that unfortunately murders the momentum, “Driven to Husk” plods along without the demolishing riffs that made predecessor “Rise” so deadly) but Crafted in Darkness is still a damn good slab of noisy, metallic rock and hardcore. The sneaky groove of “Era” closes out this album on a muscular note, ending so ferociously that you almost forget the intricate songwriting and melodic guitar work snaking around the bass rhythm just a few minutes prior.

Listening to Crafted in Darkness may not make you immune to the frustrations and dangers of dealing with humanity, but for almost one hour you’ll feel like Hummune have toughened you up to deal with all their shenanigans in stride. Either that, or your brain will be gelatinous pulp. But hey, this is metal, you can’t make an omelet without bruising some brains.

Check out Hummune on Spotify or over here at Bandcamp:  http://hummune.bandcamp.com/album/crafted-in-darkness

And follow them on Facebook for news on shows and releases:  https://www.facebook.com/hummune